Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Moving is Miserable!

So Carol and Sarah and I are going to live together.  I hope!  Well, it's not exactly what I want, but it is the only way for Carol to do well, or at least better than she is doing now.

Moving is a time of change.  I don't want to change.  I like it the way I am now.  I like living alone.  I like eating when and what I want.  I like watching what I want on TV.  Boy, am I selfish, or what!

Carol has been approved for the SSI and she will be on Medicare and Medicaid again.  She will get the money they pay her that will pay for the car and insurance. 

I have begun trying to get things sorted and packed to move.  That sounds like I have done a lot, but that is vastly exaggerated.  I have thought about it a lot. 

I don't like change.  I like new adventures sometimes, but I want the basic things to be stable and fixed when the adventure is over.  I have not found life to follow my rules.  It seems to be in a state of constant flux, at least in retrospect.  Maybe it takes a look back, a periodic review, to see those changes.  When the changes are here at my fingertips, they are so much more disruptuve and insulting than when they creep in as an adjustment to the norm. 

Now I am contemplating what will change and I don't like it.  We will move to a duplex with a loft.  Sarah gets the loft. I will still have my computer.  I will still have church.  I will still go to Bible study.  Carol will have cooking shows and Jeopardy on TV.  Sarah will still go to school and she will be closer to the university to transfer to next year.  I don't think she has even thought about where she will work.  She doesn't seem to have a goal.  

I, on the other hand, have several.  Goals are good.  They keep pulling you forward, spurring you into tomorrow.  In spite of the things I don't like, I am looking forward to our future together. 

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