Getting better

Getting better is a lie I tell myself. I have sciatica, and I hope everyday that it will resolve and disappear. I can remember a time when I did not wake up or stand to the deep, gripping pain, but that memory is fading. More and more, every planned action is accompanied by the anticipation of the drawing deep in the muscle of my left leg. Sometimes it is attended by the back pain just below my waist, but this pain is a different sensation. It is apart from the sciatic nerve. It is plain old backache. It may be the result of the other pain or the result of the compensation I make to move; either way, I hurt. Some days, the deep ache is constant, while other times, it seems to sit waiting for a movement or a stress to signal its explosion into my awareness.

The doctor prescribed pain medicine. The pills do reduce the acute ache and give me some relief, but just reducing the pain is not the answer I am seeking. Even with the best result, the pills only block the intensity of the pain. I am always aware that the pain is sitting on the curb waiting for a chance to billow forth in full force.

I do have confidence this can resolve and completely abate. I have had it before, and it did go away. I can't remember how it happened. I just know that for 25 or 30 years I was free of it. Then, one day, I knew it was back. I didn't need a doctor to confirm it. My body recognized it on first glance. My body  

wants to be rid of this pain. I have prayed and repented and given thanks. What's next? 

was not