New Reason to Write

Periodically I get a new grip on the rope and try again. I'm trying to become more disciplined about writing again. Not just the blogs, but opinion and commentary and maybe even a story. I've done it before. Right now I'm also researching family history, and I'm really interested in narrating the story of my family and how they addressed the world they were dealing with.

Some of them served in the Revolutionary Army and some in the Civil War. Those are two subjects of lasting interest and I am excited about what I'll find in their stories.

Maybe I'll find out more about them than I want to know. I have one ancestor that was something of a scoundrel. I would guess that most of us have a few of the less noble and high-minded individuals in their history. There is an old saying " You should be cautious about exploring your family tree because you might find someone hanging on a limb." One of my ancestors was married to about four women without any evidence of a legal divorce. I remember family members referring to him with a definite attitude of derision.

Oh well that might make a very interesting story.

So I'm Lonely--What Did I Expect?

I have neglected my blogs. Of course I don't have a large audience of readers, so there is very little incentive to write, but still it is my obligation. The reason I have not been faithful to the task rests in the disruptive nature of my current life. Two years ago I moved to the Rio Grande Valley because one of my daughters asked me to. I thought the idea had merit. I lived for a year in a retirement community that provided meals and transportation to Walmart and the grocery store and some medical trips, doctors, dentists, physical therapists, etc., but I found the boredom extreme. I often didn't like the menus, and I was less than impressed with the activities the administrators were so proud of.

I decided the solution to my problem lay in moving out of the home. I did. I moved to an apartment complex that provides no amenities. We do have access to a pool. Of course I get daily mail delivery and the office is handy for questions and maintenance. Accommodations are more isolated. I have no acquaintances but the ones I see at Church on Sunday and Thursday night Bible study.

Sometimes I do get lonely. My solution to that problem rests on the computer. I have renewed my interest in genealogy. I call it "visiting with dead relatives,." and believe it or not, it is very satisfying. Of course I do miss the people I left in East Texas--my children and friends, the places I used to go. Now I no longer drive. My daughter who has a talent for stating the obvious assures me I shouldn't be driving. I miss being able to go the store for paper plates or socks or a burger on a whim.

Renewing my commitment to this blog and improving it with fresh topics and better composition is my response to boredom and loneliness. I'd really like to get new readers and responses. I welcome suggestions to fill the empty hours and human contact to animate them with conversation.

O. K. Guys the balls in your court. Let me know you're out there. I'm lonely! 

Suicide Is Not a Noble Act

Today I learned of the death of a young man who is a member of my church; he was a teenager actually, and I didn't personally know him, but never the less, I was emotionally torn by the news. It was mentioned that he recently broke up with his girl friend.

I did a little research on the subject and found out things I'm not sure I wanted to know. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in teenagers and young adults. The ages they counted varied a little. Some used 13 to 19 and others used 10 to 24. In both cases the first leading cause of death in these years was accidents. The second was homicide. The third most common cause of death in youths from 12 to 19 was suicide. These numbers come from the National Center for Disease Control.

One thing that disturbed me was the idea that suicide is somehow noble and a good choice when life is difficult. Family members would not have such a response. Life cut short before it was embraced is neither noble nor exciting. It is surely tragic and bitter to family who had other futures in mind.

One of the factors mentioned as causes was break up of relationships, bullying, difficulties in school and general depression. When I worked, I was often called on to counsel people who expressed suicidal thoughts or behaviors. My response was to seek their reasons and defuse the immediate source of distress. It usually worked when they began to see the finality of the act, it became clear that suicide didn't help anything.

For these youths it is obvious that they need more than a little talk.
They need the confidence that what ever is bad today won't be so bad tomorrow. They also need to understand that a noble death is not one that is inflicted by one's own hand.

For the family of the young man in my church I can only pray and offer support. I don't see a silver lining in this cloud.

Boring or Bored

Ronald E. Powaski has written about the Trappist monk, peace activist, and writer, Thomas Merton. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I find my life to be verging of hopeless and useless. Nobody depends on me. I have no job and no responsibilities. Sounds like a prescription for boredom. On the other hand I have many opport unities to entertain myself and generate enthusiasm for life. I have a relatively large library, two computers, a TV, and a DVD player. 


I have explored   the idea of becoming a 'solitary';maybe you think of the older word-hermit. Living alone with limited contact to others does make one subject to loneliness and boredom. At least that's the prevailing perception of older people:sick, isolated, lonely. That sorta fits me. 

Becoming a 'solitary' is not just permission to be boring. It's taking on a new role. It's a chance to explore more depth in me. I can compare my life and my thoughts to others in private. I enjoy studying and exploring other cultures and lifestyles through books, TV, and research. Traveling is tiring and expensive, but books and computer searches are revealing and cheap. And it's more fun to grow old this way. If I could be as productive as Thomas Merton was in the tradition of a solitary, I wouldn't worry so much about the boredom or loneliness. There were others who found the solitary life very rewarding. Maybe I will too.

Night Sounds

            I love the sounds of night. Whether I’m sleeping in the house or outside enjoying the settling of darkness on the world, I love the sounds that accompany the activity of darkness. Trains blow their whistles around the clock, but the mystery and sadness only comes with darkness. The rattle of the wheels plunging down the tracks is like a deep drum beat accompanying the song of the whistle.

            I love to hear the soft calls of the owls and doves cushioning the night. No chirping songs pierce the gloom, only cooing to signal a mate. Sometimes the birds rustle the leaves or cause a branch to sway. They do not disturb the promised rest and quiet.

            Dogs bark. When I was little I wondered what they were saying. Bragging about chasing away a possum or skunk, maybe, or asking if a friend wanted to take a run in the pasture. They alert to every sound, ready to defend their territory, protect their home.

            Some trick of physics causes sounds to change with darkness. They become more distinct over longer distances, maybe because there are fewer of them. Trucks on the highway shift gears and gain speed as they leave congested streets. Their engines grab the night and soar off to other towns to deliver their load.

            When I was little, the night was filled with giants and monsters, galloping steeds and gallant warriors. Somewhere in the madness there was also sleep and dreams and rest. Now I remember my childhood nights and dreams with nostalgia. I love to revisit them in memory. Then I was always safe from the threats I imagined. Not even a storm disturbed my sleep.

 

Zones of Peace

I want to create in my life and my environment zones of peace that relieve the stress brought on my the normal activities of my days. Mostly I do this by the kind of things I read and meditate on. I have favorite Bible verses that help me slow down or calm down when I feel the problems of life beginning to overwhelm me. Sometimes I read poetry that helps me find my calm center. I think it helps me to keep up with the house-cleaning and not allow my surroundings to become messy. Pictures of peaceful scenes are comforting and pleasant. I also like to look at pictures of people I love and have them around my house.

Before I begin trying to really get into the serious business of achieving peace, I return to the problem that disturbs me. This seems a little counter-productive, but when I'm trying to claim and maintain peace, first I have to understand what is causing anxiety.

Writing about peace using scripture and quotes from other writers is the most useful thing I do to create and sustain peace in my spirit. I like to read a verse or a line over two or three times to begin my meditation. Then I may rephrase it in different words. Sometimes I realize my own attitude or mindset is the cause of my distress. If my unrest is caused by jealously or bitterness, I may need to confess before I seek peace. Confession alone may be the answer to my need of peace.

I recommend this method to my readers. It is not a quick fix, but it lasts for a while when you are through. Of course, you are the judge of whether it works for you. Let me know what you think.

Winter in the RGV

I'm not particularly thrilled with living in the RGV. The Winter Texans seem to love it. They flood in here sometime about October and stay till about March. It really helps the Valley economy and Church attendance, but they are here for the same reason I not so happy about it. The Winter Texans want to avoid winter and I value it greatly. Of course I'm not talking about winter in the far northern states where hard winters are common. East Texas is just 4 or 5 hundred miles north. We'd have a little ice, some very cold nights, and I'd need a good coat, but Texas is still a Southern State.

The real thing I miss here is the change in seasons. There is not a change here. I can't even tell winter from spring. Summer does make an announcement with heat! And it starts early, but that doesn't grace the environment with the kind of joy spring brings. Autumn is the same. There is no drawing of the curtain with the leaves changing and the smell of harvest in October. A few degrees on the thermometer is the only witness that the rest of the world is seeing these changes in vibrant technicolor, but the RGV just picks up the sun screen. 

Enough of the complaining! The weather man on the 10:00 O'clock News keeps whining about how dreary it is when it rains. He is yearning for the sun to come out; he and Annie know the "sun'll come up tomorrow" and my wonderful rain will be gone. The thermometer will hit 100 and I'll never noticed there was a spring.