It did it to me again!

I wrote a long really expressive entry last night, but the computer lost it!  I don't know where to look for it.  I guess it's out there in cyberspace enrichng the ionesphere(sp).  I don't think I can recreate it, but I may try.  It asked some questions I really wanted to discuss.

It was a complaint that I don't fit in at church, and I don't do anything else.  I guess that really makes it my fault.  I love the Bible.  I love to read it and examine it and talk about it and translate it.  But I don't fit in very well with the people that I see everyday. 

In the previously described blog, I enumerated other things that I like to talk about and engage in, like kites, and psychology, and history, especially Roman and medieval.  I can be conversational and talk to people.  I enjoy talking to the people I pray with.  We share scripture and talk about God's grace.  It's good.  Why can't I enjoy a little social interaction?  I shouldn't complain.  I really like being alone and writing to fill the solitude. 

Oh, Lord, You meet me here when I write and when I pray and commune with You.  Maybe I've got the good part, like Mary, to learn at your feet.

Computers don't play fair, but neither does anything else.!

Sometimes I don't like my computer.  I don't think it understands me.  I just want it to  do what it says it will do, but it doesn't.  It says save or publish, then it eats my text and I can't find it.  Life is sort of like my computer.  I think I know what I am doing every day, but my predictions don't work out.  I plan and work out the details, but glitches and bugs get in the way.

I ask God what is happening, but he is not sharing with me.  I keep having this thought about the glories of Heaven, but something in the back of my mind keeps nagging me about the reality.of my expectation.  I think it is O.K. to believe in God and His glory since after all, there is no way to prove it until you experience it.  Then nobody will be bothering me with faith challenges.  When I'm in heaven, I won't care that it is a fantastic belief.  It will be all too normal then.  

This Girl Just Wants to Make Money

I am writing on three websites, well, four, but one doesn't pay, so I may not use that one anymore.  I have made a few cents on two of the sites.  I realize that the way to make this work is volume.  How many articles can I write in a day? in a week?  Do I have that much to say?  It doesn't seem like it.  I'm not doing all that good on the blog!  But I do keep trying.  I don't think the blog has a real focus.  I don't have any readers or followers.  I could poll them and see what I need to do, but there aren't any!  I like to write, but I find it very important to have something to say.  And then I want to make money!  Help!  Please Lord, Help!

Don't ever give up

It is easy to get discouraged.  I don't like to try and work and not see results, but you can't give up.  I can't anyway.  Sometimes I want to, though.  Somethimes I don't want to try again when I have no reason to think I can be successful this time when I haven't been in the past.  Failure is too sad or bitter to face again. 

Somewhere in my childhood, somebody, my mother would be my guess, taught me that once you say you will do a thing, you don't give up or quit or withdraw from the race.  You keep trying until you  accomplish it.  When I have a reason to quit something or run out of time or I'm just plain unable to complete the assignment, I feel horrible guilt.  Logically it doesn't follow that I should feel this guilt as if I had committed a sin or offended someone.  Who should I apologize to?  What is my penance?  Is it really just me that I am responsible to, or do I need to ask my mother for forgiveness?  Can't I just decide not to proceed?  I signed up to enter the Master's program at the university.  Then I decided that I didn't want to continue in the program.  It wouldn't benefit me.  I'm not going to work in the field.  I just wanted to take classes and learn this stuff for my own gratification.  So who am I offending? 

Keres and Norman Lear

Image via Wikipedia I just heard an interview with Norman Lear.  I found it facinatiing.  He said a couple of things that really stuck with me.  One was his view of God and how we as humans interact with Him.  He took the position that nobody should tell us what we believe or how we should respond to that.  He was fearful of TV evangelists, but they are not the ones that I fear.  I don't even fear the people who disagree with me.  I fear the ones who don't fear God.  I am truly afraid of people who have no concept of a God who reigns over the activities of mankind.  Their power for destruction and disorder is astounding.  The responsibility to respond to God who holds power and control throughout time and enternity is basic to being human.


He said another thing that impressed me.  He did not rest on the accomplishments he had in the past.  He said life is in "now and next."  I want my life and energy devoted to now and next, not the success or failure of past years or any anticipation of the future after I'm gone.  I want to engage "now" to be able to write and live for myself and for those I can benefit.  I want to use the past to identify how I got here and what the lessons are I can learn from that.  But all the time I want to understand "now" and to be excited about "next."

Titles and Subjects and Causes and Rants

What to write about is the eternal problem with writing.  I love to write.  How can I love to write when I don't have anything to write about? 

I clean house or cook or watch TV and suddenly this switch turns on.  The light shines.  Voila!  There it is:  something I want to write about, a viewpoint to share, an opinion to explain.  Now there are lots of things to write about.  The history or the subject needs to be traced and the relation to the rest of the world must be explained.  Then I think about the future, what happens now?  These questions and answers are the germ of an article or a short story or a poem.  Sometimes I have to do something else to let the germ develop.  Too much anxiety and angst in bringing it to light is like an antispeptic that hinders growth. 

Those wonderful rambling, unfocused blogs that seem to go nowhere and answer no questions and bring no conclusions contain the seed of many new pieces of writing.  Oh, I'm so excited.